World Cup Waffling

As is the case before every major tournament or competition, I will desperately try to pin the tail on the donkey. Or, as some might say, make predictions about the World Cup.

Group A
Host nation Germany, Ecuador, Costa Rica and Poland
-No way is Germany going to lose to any of these teams. Not with their fans in 90 percent of the seats and their fast cars parked outside. But forget all the talk about precision, beer and techno, let me explain some things. First of all, this group is kind of a joke. The Germans are clearly the best team in this group, with Michael Ballack and Miroslav "Come-A-Little-Bit" Klose(r) leading the way. The Germans take the top spot in the group, with the Polish fighting their way into second.

Group B
England, Sweden, Paraguay and Trinidad & Tobago
-The English will win this group, but not easily. I still think they are pretty darn good, with or without Wayne Rooney. They have great defenders, midfielders and goalkeeping, and with Michael Owen edging toward full fitness, they might be in better shape than people think. I like Sweden taking second, if only because they barely edge out Paraguay for "Hottest Women." England wins with seven points and Sweden gets in with five.

Group C
Argentina, Holland, Serbia & Montenegro and Ivory Coast
-Argentina wins this group simply because they are the most likely challenger to Brazil for the whole thing. Oh, and they don't play Holland until the 21st, meaning they'll have beaten Ivory Coast and squeaked by Serbia & Montenegro already. Holland shouldn't have trouble getting at least four points out of their games against Ivory Coast and Serbia & Montenegro. If they don't, they are in major trouble. Argentina beats Holland to win all three matches and the group. And Holland sneaks in with four points.

Group D
Portugal, Mexico, Iran and Angola
-Easily the worst group in the Cup, Portugal will win their first two matches against Iran and Angola, and then casually draw Mexico. That's how the Portuguese do it. Relaxed and kind of easily. Mexico should beat the other two teams as well. Iran and Angola should duke it out for that coveted third place spot. Portugal wins on goal differential, but Mexico gets through as well.

Group E
Here's the Jeff Greer Group of Holy Crap, These Teams Are All Good
Italy, United States, Czech Republic and Ghana
-Remember the '96 Summer Olympics? Thought you might. Remember who won the Under-21 gold medal in men's soccer? Didn't think you would. It was Ghana. Ten years later, they are ready to go on a new international stage. I think they will shock the Czechs. The USA beats Ghana and draws the other two. Italy beats Ghana and draws the other two. Ghana wins one, loses two. And the Czechs draw two and lose one. Ho hum. The business of predictions is ruthless. Italy wins the group on goal differential, and the USA hustles into second.

Group F
Here's the Jeff Greer Group of Could It Get Any Easier for Brazil?
Brazil, Japan, Croatia and Australia
-Remember the '98 Cup, when Brazil was in a group with Scotland, Morocco and Norway? It was so easy for them. They will win all three matches in this group. The other three teams will actually make a decent battle for second. I think Japan has the edge -- heck, they made it to the semifinals four years ago. The experience is there. Brazil wins the group easily, and Japan squeaks into second.

Group G
France, South Korea, Togo and Switzerland
-I don't know what to expect out of France. If Zidane returns to form and Thierry Henry actually scores in this World Cup, the glass of French Haterade I have on my desk might spill. Otherwise, I think they are overrated. They got an easy group, so they should go through with two lackluster draws and a win over Togo. France wins the group and South Korea edges out the Swiss, who chose to remain neutral and tie every game.

Group H
The Jeff Greer Group of Excuse Me, I Have to Go Lie Down until This is Over
Spain, Ukraine, Tunisia and Saudi Arabia
-There is no truth to the rumor that this group will have nap-time for 20 minutes of each game. Spain will coast through this group, and the Ukraine should get second.

OK, we have all the winners and runners-up. Tune in to my next post, where I will pick winners in every single Cup match, and then the elimination rounds and beyond. Huzzah!